ME: I...I can't wear this golf shirt...
MOTHER: Why not? It's a very nice shirt.
ME: Because it makes me look like Gerald Ford.
On the other hand, I look kind of country club snazzy. Today is my father's 80th birthday, and nothing is planned except ice cream. This is because my nephews can't come until tomorrow.
And there is a Zombie Apocalypse happening, which is fitting, since it IS Friday the 13th, and the likelihood that John McCain will be the next president makes 2009 the end of civilization anyway. So, why not today instead? Someone said we could easily get away from the Zombies by driving somewhere. With gas at these prices?
Finally, my mother removed all of my Asian stuff from my old bedroom and put it away in storage, (inexplicably--too "Foreign" I guess) and replaced Korean masks with a large oil painting of a Paris street with a shop that reads "VINS-FROMAGE". I said, "Oh, you know what fromage means, right?" MOM: "No, what?" ME: "Brothel."